God, I need You, but I am mad at You...
Anybody else every think this? Anyone else ever feel this way? No? Just me?
Right now, I am needing to be close to God more than ever before. I need His comfort. I need His reassurance that He is in control in the midst of the chaos of COVID-19.
But then, I find myself pushing away… I don’t WANT to talk to Him. I feel like a five-year-old who didn’t like what mommy had to say. I cross my arms, do the exaggerated “hmph”, and turn away.
I’m mad at God right now!
WHAT?!?!? How is this happening right now?? I am so confused. I can’t be mad at God. He is always in control. I know that He is trustworthy, I know that He has always been faithful. So then, how can I be so mad at God?
Friend, I want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you if you are feeling this way. NOTHING. Anger is not a bad thing. Anger is an emotion, it is neither good nor bad. If you have never heard this before, I want you to listen closely… If you have heard this before, but you never believed it, I pray this is the time it sticks for you…
BEING MAD AT GOD DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD CHRISTIAN!
Yes, you heard me correctly. You are not a bad follower of Jesus just because you are mad at God right now. I don’t care how many people have said it is wrong. It’s not.
Our emotions are not bad. How we act when we feel those emotions can be helpful or not helpful, sometimes even sinful. But the emotion itself is just information.
God LONGS for you, friend. He longs to be the one you seek when you need comfort. He WANTS to help you through these tough feelings and thoughts. He DESIRES to fill you with His love, peace, and grace.
Friend, God is GOOD! His love for you, the grace He gives to you, will not be held back because you are mad at God. His goodness can’t allow it. It goes against everything God is to reject you just because you are hurting and blaming Him.
And guess what? He loves you EVEN WITH YOUR ANGER. His love never fails, no matter what we do. You don’t have the power to change God’s love for you. You don’t have the power to limit His grace. I was talking to a friend about this who reminded me how the Psalms are full of emotion, including anger. He pointed out, “You can pretty much say anything to God, as long as you keep talking.”
So turn to HIM! Turn to God, tell Him how you feel, tell Him about your anger, how you are hurting, and see how it changes you. How God will change you.
I was sitting alone in my car facing the empty beach when I finally yelled those words at God. I was so hurt, angry, resentful, bitter, frustrated, sad, and tired, all at once. I yelled out loud, “God I need you, but I am so mad at you right now!” That was when the flood gates opened. All of the weeks of being isolated from people, not being able to see my clients face to face, not being able to hug my friends, all of that emotion was finally able to be released.
And the whole time, I felt God’s presence surrounding me as I cried, like the hug I so desperately needed in my anger and grief. I could feel God telling me, “I know. I’m here.” My prayer is that as you share your experience with God, you will also feel His presence, His love, His grace. God knows. And He is here.
I’m not done processing it all, but I know He will never leave me nor forsake me just because I’m mad at Him.
Take care, friends!
Alisha Sweyd
